February

These walls tighten around me as if an assassin’s own piano wire was at my throat

There is no time

I have to choose

I have been here before

The crossroads of yearning and unknowing

My heartbeat echoing itself throughout these empty chambers

I could escape this breathing labyrinth

Grab the mud covered hand that reaches for me

Tread til my shoes run bare and the blood from my heels mix with the clay

Or I could turn back

With what I know and what I don’t know as the true causes for retreat

And shelter myself in the thickest armor forged in the hottest fire

Or

As all history suggests

I will play only the fool

And I will allow these walls to crush me

Friend over Lover

Our friendship is strong.  The secrets we have shared and moments that we’ve had have formed a bond hard to break.

Our friendship is strong.  I like you for you and you like me for me.  We tease and pick on each other, because that’s what friends do.

I wonder on days when I’m cold, and I need someone to share my warmth with if she thinks the same.  I would be there.  I would be the one to transfer energy to make her chills go away, just to cause more, wonderful chills.

Is it worth it?  To break through the wall of friendship and lean in for that kiss.  To risk rejection and a friendship over what could be an amazing life together.  Is it worth traveling that boundary that is so rarely traveled on.

I have so much love to give her, but I’ll do it from the shadows.  Never reveal my true feelings in fear of losing someone so important in my life. Your friendship means so much to me.  What we could have means so much as well, but you as you means the most.  I won’t let that go.

I will sit back as an observer, watching men emotionally hurt you, always being there to give you a shoulder to cry on and an understanding of what you are.  The perfection that is you, and the beauty that emanates around you.  You are incredible inside and out, always offering a helping hand to those in need, never afraid to speak your mind, always confident in your actions.

I will be there for you.  I wish I could be there with you, but in fear of losing you, I will always choose friend over lover.