People are always telling me about love, whether I want their opinion or not. They tell me it’s amazing, I know. They tell me it’s incredible, I know. They tell me it’s something that you should always hold onto and do whatever you can to maintain such a wonderful feeling, I know. They tell me that you need to love yourself before you can love others. I don’t believe that for a second. Love is something unimaginable. It’s this feeling that shrouds you in a warmth, unexplained by science with no true definitive meaning. When it comes to a sensual, romantic love however, it’s a whirlwind. A whirlwind of pure, beautiful love. When you’re holding her in your arms, nothing but her matters, and that feeling, is all that matters in that moment. Friends and family who know about my depression like to talk to me about it sometimes, and where I’m very thankful for it, sometimes they overstep the boundary. Recently, someone sent me an article about how people with depression cannot love another human romantically until they take care of themselves and learn to like what they see in the mirror. I call that malarkey. Here are five reasons why although you’re depressed, you can still fall in love.
1. She understands how your brain works.
Women are extremely intricate. Sure in their values and confident in their ability. They pride themselves on their knowledge, and they should. They aren’t stupid, they may not understand how you feel, but they understand why you feel the way you do. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, but that phrase itself doesn’t begin to scratch the surface of such a complex disease. I’m not going to give you a science lesson here, but there are parts of the brain that affect mood, and these sectors are often highly affected by the variety of balances in said chemicals, or lack there of. Going back to the point, she knows that you didn’t choose this. You didn’t choose to live a life of sadness and loneliness. She understands that your problems aren’t because you got an D on your last paper or your pet passed away last week. She knows how deeply rooted your sickness goes, and she herself wants to be just as rooted into your heart as it is.
2. She will follow you to the absolute end.
She wasn’t drafted for this. Her name wasn’t chosen out of a hat at random. Nobody assigned her a number then drew that number from a bucket. She made a conscious decision to be with you, knowing you have depression. Believe it or not, throughout your walks in the shadows, she adores you. Your sick sense of humor makes her laugh. Your strength to move on makes her proud. She wakes up every day and for 24 hours of that day she doesn’t question why she’s with you. Not for a second does she rethink her choice to care for you. She really, truly cares for you. Now I don’t know how to really explain this to people who haven’t been in such a low, but when you are truly depressed, and somebody gives you true devotion and love, it’s like you’re covered in cold water. Like you finally got a breath of oxygen after being buried alive. Like that first step you take after a lifetime of sitting. It’s truly unable to be explained, and she does it because she wants to.
3. She needs you just as much as you need her.
To error is human. To need is natural. I would have to say, based on my experience, people who have dealt with depression first-hand are generally have more empathy and love for others. She sees this in you. She knows that when she has a bad day you will welcome her smiling. When she falls and can’t walk, she knows you will be there to carry her. When she loses her job, she knows that you will be home welcoming her with a smile. Hell, she could get a raise and a scholarship and win 500 dollars on the lottery, and guess what? The best part of her day is when she gets to see you. We know it too. The second her eyes light up like a star and her arms wrap around you, you know that to her, nothing matters but you. She needs you so much, and would be extremely lost without you.
4. She doesn’t show you any pity.
Now let me get this straight, there is a fine line between pity and compassion. Showing pity indicates a lack of knowledge, and as you just recently read, she understands it all. She loves you, and that is very clear, but pity is something she will absolutely not show. There will never be a moment where she gives you special treatment because of your condition. She won’t let you use it as an excuse for anything. She wants you to be strong, and she knows that you can be strong she won’t ever take no for an answer. The term ‘I can’t’ will be removed from your vocabulary. She’s harder than a rock, and will work you to the core, until your brain melts and your bones ache. She’s going to push you to be the best version of yourself you can be, and when you’re all done pushing back, you’re going to thank her so much.
5. Light is stronger than darkness.
You try to some up with some sort of denial when you first realize you have depression. You try so many methods to try to cure yourself of such a disease, but it’s just not possible. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the only thing in life that can truly defeat darkness, is pure light. No, I don’t mean this metaphorically. I mean this literally. When you’re in a dark place (for most of us this is about 90% of the day) and someone touches your feelings, it’s as if you’re on stage with 50 spotlights. This is exactly how you see her. When she enters the room, she’s illuminated. She’s that morning sun rising in the horizon. She is literally your light. When walking through the dark depths of depression, the only thing that can help you is to see clearly. It may sound like I’m rambling. I wish I could give you a view from my eyes, but there’s nothing that makes me forget about my problems more than that phone call when she just wants to say hello. That text message that is a random funny face. That giggle she gets when she is embarrassed. It’s unlike any other medicine I’ve ever had before. It is an instant cure. A sensation that surrounds me with no explanation.
Whenever any image of her comes into your mind, you know. Through your deepest darkest places, you have absolute, romantic love for someone.